omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
