I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
