the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize