I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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