So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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