i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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