he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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