I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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