I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
