i think my tv is drunk
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
