i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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