I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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