I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize