I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
