its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
