I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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