she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
