dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
the liver wants what the liver wants
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
