Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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