You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
