just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just found a bag of teeth...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize