John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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