you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
