i already hear my dad disowning me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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