That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
