There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
