The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
