Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize