how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I would ride that face into the sunset
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
