My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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