people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize