battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
