nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ladies don't puke and tell
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
