I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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