Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
