Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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