Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
