The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
