how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
