Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize