and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
