Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
