Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
