Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
