I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
