I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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