We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
