I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
