I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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