It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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