i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize