I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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