hotel room ftw
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
