You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
