I'm gonna have a badass scar
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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