i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
