Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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