so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
