I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I met the friendliest cop last night
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
