If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you didnt know i had herpes?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize