Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
