i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
