I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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