im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
worst night to have a conscience
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize