My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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