You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I checked into jail on foursquare
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh god it's open bar.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
