We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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