ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
