So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
