First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
