I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
