What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
