YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
